Position in my research lab.

Today I went to talk to my professor in the lab that I research in. I was thinking that she will just sign the paper and say "Here you go" but that was not the case. Basically, the results that I have been getting from my experiments didn't make any sense, and because of that she was hesitating to let me do the researh in her lab. Although she haven't told me directly, basically I was dragging feet in the research lab. Plus the fact that the graduate student that has been taking care of me will TA next semester and will be very busy makes it worse. Therefore, she said she had to think about it before she could let me work in her lab.

While talking she said she does think I am smart, and impressed about understanding of the research. However, the problem was my execution. And If I think about it, the excution has been a problem for me ever since high school. Even in high school my lab results weren't that good. However, the fact that I didn't get graded on results didn't make me think that I have to work on the techniques. Basically, i'm good up in the head, but can't get the results.

She also told me that there might be a problem with focus. During the summer, research was only thing that I had to worry about, thus less worries, better focus. During the semester, it has been hard to go to the lab after the class and because of all the social life that goes on with new people, it also made it harder tp focus on research. However, if I'm going to be a researcher, this can't be my excuse.

From next semester, I am going to slow down and complete what can be completed in a semester in a year and a half. Thus, my classes are going to be lot easier and I would be able to devote my time to research a bit more. No, next semester is too late. Hopefully my lab work, after i messed up a good bit, is going to resume from next week. I still have more than a month, and it is not too late to be more careful and to concentrate more on what I am doing. There are still other classes going on and there are other stuff that is on my concern other than school, but there should be a way that I can concentrate in lab work while dealing with those concerns.

While realizing the fact that I am only good in the head is really shocking and depressing, I should concern myself lucky that I still have little bit more chance to change myself, and become a person who is good in the head and can execute the experiments. Afterall, it is never too late to make an effort.

Oh, and this is typed in english just because i can't type japanese from school's computer.